Archers voicemails without

A fun challenge! Here are some possible voicemails from Archer without the actual audio:

Voicemail 1 "Hey, it's me. I'm not really sure why I'm leaving a voicemail, but I guess I just wanted to say that I'm still alive and still drinking. Oh, and I found a new way to get into trouble. You'll never believe it. Anyway, call me back when you're not busy saving the world or whatever."

Voicemail 2 "Archer here. Just wanted to remind you that I'm the best spy ever and you're just a bunch of incompetent fools. Oh, and by the way, I stole your lunch money again. You're welcome."

Voicemail 3 "Hey, it's Archer. I'm calling to apologize for, you know, blowing up the office again. It was an accident, I swear! Anyway, I'm on a mission to save the world from certain doom, so don't bother trying to reach me. I'll be back when I'm done saving the day... or not."

Voicemail 4 "Archer here. Just wanted to remind you that I'm a highly trained spy and you're just a... well, you're not a spy. Anyway, I found a new way to get out of doing actual work. It involves a lot of video games and snacks. You're welcome."

Voicemail 5 "Hey, it's Archer. I'm calling to ask for your help. No, really, I am. This time. I promise. I need you to... actually, never mind. I'll just do it myself. You're not good at this spy stuff anyway."